tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
