dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I forget how to act sober
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