I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
