Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
