i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
