I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
