I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
