If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
