It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
