I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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