Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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