So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
