think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
