You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
