i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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