I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
