I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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