Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
