the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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