Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
