Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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