dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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