it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
