I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
