people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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