Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
