Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
