Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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