he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
