Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
