My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
