toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
