So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
