I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
