so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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