i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
