and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
