Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
