ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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