I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
