Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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