I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
