Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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