I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
