Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
