WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
