Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
