My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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