I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
