I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
