yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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