Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
