My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
