I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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